Do You Feel Better Now?

Do you feel better after watching George RR Martin kill everyone? Do you???

Does catharsis really work? Or is the idea you can exhaust misery doomed to begin with?

By Sam Yang - Get similar updates here

"You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have."

— Maya Angelou

It takes a lot of creativity to be angry and negative. In that same way, you can't use up negativity. You'll always have more. Catharsis and venting is a key part of Freudian psychology. Freud was a great thinker and much of his work and concepts are a part of normal thought today, but they weren't formed on large scale studies, medical tests, or meta-data. Like many great minds of his time, he used critical theory. Meaning the symbolic and ideological meanings to everything. The framework came from understanding historical events, art, and literary works. Freud applied this to people. Many of his ideas are still relevant today, many are not.

As time passed, we've been relying more and more on data, and moving away from the use of questions and observations as a way to diagnose psychological conditions. We're beginning to see more use of fMRI, big data, neuroscience, and medical tests. One theory that has withstood the test of time is the notion of catharsis as a form of healing. Catharsis has many definitions and is often used as a literary device, which is a part of the reason why it still holds a place in popular media and culture. The popular notion of catharsis is this, that you're like a pressure cooker and if you don't vent, you'll explode (or go postal). So "blowing off steam" then becomes a method to manage negative emotions. Some methods of catharsis can be very helpful, some can make things exponentially worse. What we've found over time with people who've had violent outbursts was, many didn't hold it all in, they did vent, they did look for catharsis, they drew, they painted, they wrote, they complained, they found other people to complain with, met like-minded people, wrote on message boards, made YouTube videos, and this negativity never exhausted.

People used to think horror movies, violent games, and aggressive music made people aggressive. It is more true to think people who are angry already coincidentally turned to those things for catharsis.

You dislike your job

Let's say you dislike your job but you need to work because not working will make your life go from bad to worse. To blow off steam, you vent with your coworker. Your coworker listens, then your coworker vents as well. You share horror stories and basically up the ante on talking crap and slowly turn your boss into a full on dictator. Dislike turns to hate and you can't stand being there, your performance drops, boss gives you a hard time, more venting, and so on.

Some of the smart ones catch this cycle early on. You ever have a friend who starts to vent then catches his or herself and stops? Those are the smart ones. They care about actions, not venting. In a way venting is saying you aren't sure what action to take, or can't handle the risk of taking any action, so this is the only option you feel like you have left. You feel you can't control your actions, but you can control your level of misery, since you don't feel like you can lessen misery, you control it the only way you know how. You make it worse.

Let's say you dream about work one night, something angry, you do something to let it all out and when you wake up, instead of feeling a release from the negative emotions, you wake up angrier. You try redirecting it to artwork or writing, you start writing angry stories or sad pictures. You vent to people, you vent online, which attracts only other angry people and you just get angrier but now not only at your work and your boss, but you're angry at people who disagree with you, who don't validate your feelings, who tell you to get over it. In your mind they're the negative ones, not you.

You watch dark shows, that's the mood your in. Instead of feeling a cathartic release, you feel worse, and can't go to sleep because you feel so much stress and unhappiness. The next day you tell your boss off, which only makes your boss angry and you angrier. You tell yourself it was a bad idea, you knew your boss wouldn't listen, and this proves that your job really does suck.

Sometimes we use the catharsis/venting idea to excuse ourselves of being jerks. Or it can justify bad behavior. How often do you see someone who's done something wrong not admit to it? They say the other person had it coming, they deserved it. Or there's some excuse that allows them to perceive themselves as a good person even though their actions aren't good. This is also the same mindset used by bullies and attackers to blame the victims.

Maybe you're angry at work but you take it out on your spouse or coworker, they should have known to leave you alone or be nice to you because you're in a bad mood right? Today was the wrong day to forget to bring you you're report, or be late for dinner. The negativity spreads like wildfire. You're mad at your boss but now other people are mad at you.

If you blame the victim of your aggression, you won't experience as much guilt for your actions. Less guilt means that you're likely to engage in more aggressive behavior, especially towards victims that you blame. It keeps our positive view of ourselves intact. Everything we do is for a good reason, we're making things better. We are never to blame.

Positive psychology is about focusing on methods of being happy, and focusing on positive aspects as opposed to the negative aspects and expecting that dwelling on it will somehow make it purge. Cognitive behavioral therapy came from the idea that trying to think differently will not necessarily change your behavior. If we can get people to slowly change their behavior, their thoughts will change. These came about as an alternative to traditional therapies of catharsis. Creating methods to get rid of negative behavior, as opposed to negative behavior somehow purging negative thoughts. If anything focusing on the negative tended to reinforce and strengthen them.

In experiments

On a study about Facebook, people who shared frustrations, drama, sadness, loneliness, or vented online only ended up feeling worse. There was no catharsis and they didn't get the warm embrace they were looking for when they posted sad song lyrics or mysterious cries for help.

It wasn't about a connection with the world, they wanted a one way street, where people were supposed to care about them and make them feel special one study found, but that's not what was happening. Attention seeking was too transparent online, especially since Facebook unlike other social media is mostly things you share with people who know you well. The catharsis seekers found no comfort which made them more upset, sad, and angry. The chase for catharsis just made things worse.

In a milestone study done in the 70's, a researcher pretending to be a participant, acted rudely to the actual participants. Afterwards, half of the subjects were given the opportunity to administer an electrical shock to the antagonist, and then later on all the participants were allowed to administer the shock. The people who had the opportunity to shock the antagonist the first time around basically got another crack at the antagonist.

If catharsis worked, since half the participants had a chance to give the antagonist their comeuppance, they should feel more lenient the second time around. What ended up happening was the group who had the second chance to shock were more aggressive than the ones who only got one turn, not only that, they were more aggressive than they were the first time around. Having a chance to vent only made them more angry. Sometimes venting makes fleeting feelings more long lasting. The group that were delayed were less aggressive.

You're anger gets on a roll; you ever intend to say one critical thing, or point out one flaw and it snowballed into a long tirade or rant?

In martial arts, one of my instructors told us never to use our training partner to relieve stress. That this wasn't therapy. It's not like a treadmill or a spin bike where you can go hard and it can take it; you could hurt your training partner easily. Treat them with respect, they're not toys, they're human beings. It's something fighters know; you hit a bag, you want to hit it harder, your aggression, testosterone, cortisol, heart rate, blood pressure, and adrenaline goes up not down. After the first day of fighting, you have pent up business guys talking about getting into fights at bars and clubs. They want more, not less.

In a study done by researcher Dr. Brad Bushman, he had participants write an essay about something very touchy. Then they were graded and given terrible marks and insulting critiques. The participants were then given tasks such as playing solitaire, reading, games, or hitting a punching bag. Their second task was to play a computer game where they had a chance to blast their opponents in another room with noise. Participants could control the volume, up to 105 decibels. Did catharsis work? No. Again people who hit the punching bag punished their opponents with louder sounds. Once you associate anger with aggressive behavior, you tend to use it more often.

Over the past three decades, psychologists have tested the catharsis theory and found virtually no evidence for it. ''Catharsis has enjoyed a run of support in the popular media that far outstrips its support in the research literature,'' Dr. Bushman wrote.

Why doesn't it work?

Venting aggression decreases barriers against further hostility. Instead of purging, it self replicates. You end up fixating and ruminating hostile feelings. You don't have to wait to vent, it's also immediately gratifying, you speak with knee jerk reactions, you don't have time to think it out and be rational. It validates the irrational. Aggression breeds aggression. Your friends, because they care about you, will enable this behavior, tell you you're right, it's everyone else's fault. You reinforced yourself and so have others. The more you vent the more you practice, the better you get at it. Instead of exhausting negative energy, you get better at creating more of it.

Maybe you feel better. But you don't. You just begin to feel comfortable with anger, you learn to like anger because it makes you feel strong. You're ego gets boosted because you tell yourself your special, and so do your friends. You feel important. You feel instant gratification. You get better at talking crap, you make people laugh or nod their heads. You begin to enjoy small acts of revenge, or when something bad happens to people you don't like. This is the seductive nature of what Yoda calls, the "dark side."

Catharsis seekers make everything about them, which can only lead to social isolation and more unhappiness. It also annoys everyone you know and you get labeled as "drama."

Moral of the story

A client demonstrating what happens when there's whining.

Many people believe that venting, whining, engaging in aggression, complaining, fantasizing, helps rid us of our negative feelings. However most studies show this leads to more, not less negative feelings. It's because it reduces the barriers to further negative feeling, makes us feel like the victim, and helps to shift blame to everyone else, which can then create a cycle of negative feelings. Victims becoming the victimizers.

The person who's unhappy and tells everyone doesn't release their unhappiness, it spreads it to others, and if you're looking to start a riot, a protest, or channel it to activism, revolution, reform, then you already know this is an effective method. You're instigating or revolting, it then becomes more of a political tool than a form of therapy. For revolution to happen then catharsis can't work, it can't exhaust, it has to keep building and building. From office politics to over throwing a country, we feed off of each other's feelings. We're social animals.

There are examples of catharsis benefiting us though. When you cry you often feel better, just watch babies (the idea though is that as you get older you create more permanent coping systems). Showers make us feel better, so does exercise, so does keeping a journal. Even writing a letter and then destroying it. But there is no blanket answer, we're all complex beings and we need a variety of tools to function better. Alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, and food have all shown some form of effectiveness in making us feel better, but they also all create problems of their own. We need a reliable coping system, not tricks. To use a fighting analogy, you need to learn how to box, not just learn some punches.

Whenever you try something or have turned to something in the past, ask yourself this, "how has this worked for me?" If it's always made things worse, you would be foolish to keep doing it. If it it agitates people, and your not planning to organize a strike or uprising, you better rethink your methods for happiness, otherwise it's not going to get directed anywhere and just stress everyone else out for no reason except to make you "feel better." Besides were you really doing it for others in the first place or was it purely selfish in motivation?

The rule at my work is, it's not whining if you're asking for some change that will benefit everyone, not just yourself. And the benefit can't just be, we get to stop hearing you whine.

___________________________________

Sam Yang from an early age has been obsessed with connecting the dots between martial arts and efficiency, health, mindset, business, science, and habits to improve optimal well-being. For more info, join his newsletter. You can also connect to All Out Effort on Facebook and Twitter.

Share this: