I Work Out
"So, for those that don't know - I have a trainer, well actually I have two. They tag team the torture. My trainer or coach as he prefers to be called runs All Out Effort. I've spent a lot of time molding them into doing things my way. I now have a very positive mindset when I train.
An AOE workout
- Set appointment with Sam (Coach and Owner)
- Negotiate time that is not ridiculous o’clock in the morning
- Agree to ridiculous o’clock time in the morning
- Dread all week
- Alarm goes off. Weep softly. Get up and vow not to do this again
- Arrive in middle of night - read sign on entrance regarding negative thoughts and leaving them there at the door
- Punch sign in its stupid positive face
- Come in and grunt greetings at other poor souls
- Start foot stretches on rocks and tennis balls. Complete and tell Sam you think that’s enough for one day
- Apparently he does not
- Continue with workout. Against better judgment
- Start foam roll routine and remind self that this is painful but doesn’t compare with what’s to come. Rest head gently on foam roller, just for a minute. Get caught…
- Start Mobility exercises: roll around on floor, trying to look mobile. Ask for help up off floor.
- Choose one of the lesser of three evils: Treadmill, Climber, Bike. Choose lying on floor for quick disco nap. Get up off floor after being told that is not an option.
- Start workout: swings (recommend that everyone ducks, those kettlebells have a habit of leaving my hand. Mostly because I let go of them. On purpose), planks (the exercise that everyone thinks they look good doing. And don’t), rolly ball ab agony things (I think you know what I mean), squats (where once you get down there, going up is not all it's cracked up to be) and everyone’s favorite, stupid burpees (right?). Wonder how I can possibly go on...
- Put $1 in "Whine Bucket". Protest about legitimacy of whine. Put another $1 in.
- Hear those precious words: You can stretch now.
- Consider the alternative: work-out with Cindy (Coach 2). Decide to leave that for another day. Called never."
Read more at: SpecialK: Nothing on this blog will be of any use to you.