Something to think about if physical change is REALLY important to you:
A lot of people will talk about little splurges, little indulgences, rare binges, things they did on vacation or when they were out of town. Or they were in a bad situation and did well considering how bad they could have eaten. Or compared to how others were eating, they did well. Or even with exercise, do less, skip stuff, go lighter, walk through the motions, less reps, or not exercise at all. And it all ends with the same question, "is that okay" or "do you think that's okay?" You just want to live a little and you want to know if that's okay.
This could be from people not starting a weight loss program, to people deep in a weight loss program. Some don't even talk about it. All of this may play out in their minds. But they still want to know if this is okay, if they are good or bad.
You're asking the wrong question
There's really 2 questions being asked here. One is a question of value, and the other is a question of progress.
Meaning if you are asking if your actions (or lack of actions) make you a bad person, or if what you did was unacceptable, or do we disapprove? Usually its no (If the answer is yes, you may be in a negative environment or are your own worst self critic).
We think you are a good person, whatever you do is acceptable, and we don't disapprove of how you live your life. Your life is your life and though you don't need it, you have our approval. And those around you will also tell you its not a big deal, that overall you are doing wonderful. It's a question of value, and you will always be a valuable human being and elicit that response from good people or from yourself. And if you just want to maintain or are perfectly happy the way you are, this is how things should be. Sometimes accepting yourself is the best solution.
But imagine if you worded it a different way. The way that it matters to people really looking to create change. Then maybe you weren't getting the wrong answer. You were just asking yourself the wrong question. Maybe the right questions are:
"Hey do you think my actions will lead to weight gain?"
"Do you think my actions will stop me from losing weight?"
Making it a question of progress. Then the answer may change from no to yes. Does me doing this, this, and, this make me a bad person? Do you disapprove? No. Do you think it will affect my overall goal of weight loss in a negative way? Yes.
Cheat and still get an A
Us thinking its okay and it being an action that creates positive change are 2 different things. Are you okay with a B+? Sure. Will it get me into Stanford which is my dream school? Probably not.
"I was bad this weekend, are you mad at me? Do you think I'm a bad person? Am I bad?" No.
"Hey, I drank a lot this weekend, stayed up late, ate too much, do you think it will affect my ability to lose weight?" Yes.
People naturally want to hear what they are doing is okay AND it will also create the changes they want. Can I stop making changes to my life because I've already made so many, but still create more progress? Wanting it to create the changes you want, and it creating the changes you want are not always the same. Your emotion needs reassurance, but your actions may not guarantee them.
Self judgement defeats progress
The other problem becomes, if you hear that it will affect your ability to lose weight, or you shouldn't do something if weight loss is your goal, instead of hearing something statistical, or factual, or as an element to create progress, people hear judgement or people feel like they are being deprived happiness. I ate poorly this weekend, someone told me it will make me gain weight. That someone basically said I'm fat. That someone basically said I'm a bad person and they don't value me. You hear this because your weight has become so tied to your value, that you can't look at it for what it is, a statistical number.
It's not about lack of knowledge. It's about perception. Next time you look over your choices, if creating physical change is important to you, take the judgement of good or bad or is this okay out, and ask yourself if your actions will be a catalyst for physical changes towards your goals or away from your goals. You may find the answers may change.
Wrong questions in fitness
I find in fitness a lot of times, the answers people are getting aren't wrong. The questions they are asking are wrong (in relationship to what they are after). They are looking for the best apple, the most balanced apple (you just need a balance diet or lifestyle). Maybe they need to change their whole thought process. Maybe they were looking for an apple but what they needed was an orange. Instead of the most balanced apple, they needed the most efficient orange (you need an effective diet and lifestyle not a balanced one).